An advocate of parental love once wrote that humil- iations, spankings and beatings, slaps in the face, betrayal, sexual exploitation, derision, neglect, etc. are all forms of mistreatment, because they injure the integrity and dignity of a child, even if their conse- quences are not visible right away.
Even after they become adults, most abused kids will be wounded — and will wound others — because of their early experiences. They will suffer and will let others suffer. Often the violence and shame produce a Hitler or a Saddam Hussein. Cruel adults have cruel backgrounds who mindlessly transfer their own childhood humiliations and spanking onto others — even onto other nations.
Science shows that early in life children who are beaten have to deal with what they endured. Most of them, it seems, later almost "glorify it" and pass it on to their own children or to others.
They begin to tell themselves the narrative that they were actually beaten out of love! They believe they deserved being hit or humiliated because they them- selves endured and learned violence without being able to question it. People that routinely spank their children often feel grateful to their own parents who mistreated them when they were small and defenseless.
This is why parents and society remain so ignorant. Pain and destruction are seen in every generation as normal, or even "good." Mercy has been trampled by "justice" which becomes nothing more than redemptive violence. Violence which somehow makes us better because destroying / abusing the scapegoat is a divinely-inspired action.
And we all tolerate it because we all ignore it.
When small children are smacked during the first three years of life, it is a time when they are beginning to walk and to touch and explore objects in the wider world. And this all happens at exactly the time when the brain is open to learn kindness, truthfulness, and love.
The first place we all learn cruelty, domination of others and lying comes from one place and one place alone: the family, the behavior of the parent.
It is no accident that Jesus of Nazareth made so many savage attacks on family values and made them very, very often.
A strong and loving bond between family members becomes its own moral discipline and becomes some- thing the growing child can always relate to, even in the midst of the outer world's cruelty.
As long as parents feel forced to spank and abuse — whether by their own emotions or by society at large — they will feel helpless and will be unaware of any other alternatives to teach, nurture and raise their children.
Even after they become adults, most abused kids will be wounded — and will wound others — because of their early experiences. They will suffer and will let others suffer. Often the violence and shame produce a Hitler or a Saddam Hussein. Cruel adults have cruel backgrounds who mindlessly transfer their own childhood humiliations and spanking onto others — even onto other nations.
Science shows that early in life children who are beaten have to deal with what they endured. Most of them, it seems, later almost "glorify it" and pass it on to their own children or to others.
They begin to tell themselves the narrative that they were actually beaten out of love! They believe they deserved being hit or humiliated because they them- selves endured and learned violence without being able to question it. People that routinely spank their children often feel grateful to their own parents who mistreated them when they were small and defenseless.
This is why parents and society remain so ignorant. Pain and destruction are seen in every generation as normal, or even "good." Mercy has been trampled by "justice" which becomes nothing more than redemptive violence. Violence which somehow makes us better because destroying / abusing the scapegoat is a divinely-inspired action.
And we all tolerate it because we all ignore it.
When small children are smacked during the first three years of life, it is a time when they are beginning to walk and to touch and explore objects in the wider world. And this all happens at exactly the time when the brain is open to learn kindness, truthfulness, and love.
The first place we all learn cruelty, domination of others and lying comes from one place and one place alone: the family, the behavior of the parent.
It is no accident that Jesus of Nazareth made so many savage attacks on family values and made them very, very often.
A strong and loving bond between family members becomes its own moral discipline and becomes some- thing the growing child can always relate to, even in the midst of the outer world's cruelty.
As long as parents feel forced to spank and abuse — whether by their own emotions or by society at large — they will feel helpless and will be unaware of any other alternatives to teach, nurture and raise their children.
— James Warren ( Apr. 9, 2011 )
